Bill and Susan’s Story…

Bill and Susan—not their real names—are foreign missionaries out in the field.

Prior to this, Bill ministered as a pastor in the US.  Married for 12 years and with 4 children, their work has been thriving and included the planting of a new church.  However….

Last year, things took a turn for the worse—both in their marriage and ministry.  Needing help, they contacted my friend Pastor Pat Kenney for some long distance counseling.  Pat is part of Shepherd’s Staff Missions Facilitators and though Bill is not with them, Pat stepped up to help, as is his way.

After about four Skype sessions, the underlying problems spilled out.  Bill had a problem with lust and sexual sin.  It was tearing apart his marriage and giving cause for Bill and his wife to give up on their missionary ministry.

To help, Pat offered to take Bill through the book, Overcoming Lust . Pat wrote the Foreword to this book and helped get it off the ground.  He used Overcoming Lust because this book was written:

  1. To convey a Biblical understanding of lust and how to deal with it.
  2. To challenge those struggling to do all that is required to gain victory.
  3. To provide encouragement and hope.

There are twenty chapters, each followed by discussion questions.  For Bill this meant working through twenty sessions of accountability, discussion and prayer.  Having completed this process, he reports that this has all been “hugely helpful.” In fact along the way he began ministering to an elder in his church using the same process.  Such “teaching what you’ve learned” is tremendously beneficial to both the teacher and the taught.

Why should it all take so long?

Here is why Bill could not get this done in just a few weeks:

  1. All who enter this struggle quickly realize that gaining victory so that lust is no longer a dominant sin in one’s life takes time.  Having allowed sin to enslave us, it will not—as a rule—release its hold easily.
  2. There is no end game. Walking in the Spirit and being conformed to what Christ desires in us is a lifelong assignment. As we gain victory, all of our other sins reveal themselves. We are still a long way from where we need to be.  In fact, we are always a long way from where need to be.

Will you join me in praying for Bill and others who are in the process of overcoming lust?  Are you or someone you know in need of this?

You can do this.  Whether you are the one in need or the one who can help, you can team up to bring victory in lives that are crumbling.

Kent Hekel’s Story

While many long time Christians are deeply mired in sexual sin and allow it to fester as a life-dominating part of their lives, many new believers find a way to break free. Kent Hekel’s story is an example of how Christians—whether newbies or old-timers—can gain freedom.

Anyone who knows Kent is keenly aware of his fervent love for God and his enthusiastic, joyful, soul-winning witness. He came to our church in Escondido after a powerful conversion in 1986, eventually becoming an elder. In 2001, he moved to Montana where he has continued to shine brightly, even pastoring a church for some time.

His dramatic conversion and God’s faithfulness in his life is beautifully documented in a new book: “I Will Manifest Myself”

Although it is by no means the main theme in Kent’s testimony, he does recount that after having fallen deeply into sexual sin before becoming a believer, God had delivered him from this. This sparked my curiosity and I asked Kent to elaborate. You can read his detailed response below.

Two thoughts and a question jump out at me from Kent’s story:

Two Thoughts:

  1. Kent was diligent as he dealt with his sin. He took it seriously and confronted it in a biblically proper way. Like many other new believers, he recognized and faced it head on. All the excuses and rationalizations that cripple so many long-time believers were set aside.
  2. Kent experienced victory over lust. He did not get stuck in sin. Without this victory, Kent’s story and the many lives he has touched over the years would have turned out much differently.

One Question:

Kent’s story gnaws at me. Why do so many long-time Christians (thoughts of my own story come rushing in) fail to overcome lust and as a result do not enter into the joy and victory that Jesus promised? Does this come from ignorance, deception or a lack of obedience? (Same question, two ways of asking it)

What do you think?

Here is how Kent describes how he was able to overcome lust:

  1. First off, my dramatic conversion at age forty-one, after having committed the heinous sin of adultery for several years, caused me to deeply fall in love with Jesus. He became the passion of my life. I really understood the depravity of my sin nature and what Christ had done on the cross for a wretch like me. There was a healthy fear of God and a passionate love for Christ. Reading, hearing, studying, and meditating on His word became a 24/7 reality for me. He did manifest Himself personally to me during this time as I relate in my book. I knew He was real and had saved me. God forbid that I would consciously and habitually sin again (Luke 7:47-50)—in thought, word, or deed. I consciously resisted the “illicit sexual buzz” as you describe lust in your book. This would have been betrayal all over again (except it would be a betrayal of Christ as well.)
  2. Secondly, during those early years before I remarried, I read a book by Watchman Nee entitled, “The Normal Christian Life” which was essentially a commentary on Romans 6-8 and how to live the victorious Christian life—much like your own. This book was treasured truth and impacted my new nature in a sanctifying way. I recommend it to you. (see earlier post about this)
  3. I was accountable. During the early years, Elliot, who was mature Christian, helped me through times of testing and into victory over lust.
  4. I made no provision for the flesh–no secular movies, TV, magazines, and later, pornography on the internet. I remember while touring Israel in 2007, I decided to use a hotel computer to check my email. To my shock graphic porn images came on the screen. I immediately turned off the computer and neglected my email the remainder of the trip.
  5. I learned how to deal with thoughts and desires. I found especially helpful hearing something Pastor Chuck Smith said early on: Unholy thoughts may enter your mind like birds flitting in and out, but you must not let them nest there. Temptation is not sin. Later, when conducting Bible studies, prayer classes, or sermons and I became aware of an attractive woman and a sense that it was potentially dangerous, I would—as a safeguard—openly express my affection for my wife, verbally and publicly, referring to her as my “sweetheart” or “my gift from God” and how much I appreciated her, a Proverbs 31 woman (truly). There were a couple of occasions when attractive women in the church who would seem a bit too interested in me as their pastor and this would cause me to feel vulnerable. I would then pray from my heart for our gracious Father’s help during these times of temptation. He has answered with His strength in my weakness. We have tremendous resources at our disposal (our prayers, the Spirit’s prayers, Christ’s prayers, the living and powerful Word of God, the indwelling Spirit’s conviction, and our new nature), but as you most correctly say in your book, we are not robots and the world, our “old man”, and the devil are formidable foes. BUT GOD is greater than any adversary and is faithful to help when we admit our weakness and cry out to Him in times of temptation or any other need. Answered prayers give much joy, peace, comfort, and assurance. Amen.
  6. I had no fellowship with “the world” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). “Evil company still corrupts good habits” (1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 12:26). Jesus came to “seek and save” and that is our goal as well in all interactions with “the world”.
  7. I refused to counsel or spend alone time with any woman without my wife or the woman’s husband or fiancé present. Of course, this is just common sense.
  8. I found that there was no substitute for obedience, abiding in Jesus’ person, love and word (avoiding the many distractions that would drain our energies and make us unfruitful). This is my goal despite my failures.
  9. Lastly, I learned to deal with my sin.   Yes, regretfully, I have at times over the last many years, sinned in the area of lust in my thought-life. However, whenever this occurs, I have taken God’s remedy: confession, repentance, sorrow, and prayer for strength in my weakness. But it is the rare exception, not the rule of my life. Thank God! Though I do not see perfection in my life, I certainly do see a direction and an intimacy with God that makes my heart sing. His “touches” have been priceless, reminders of the unspeakable glory to come.

In summary to the extent I have had victory it comes from biblically:

  1. KNOWING the extent of Christ’s work, the atonement and its nature (crucified with Him and resurrected with Him),
  2. RECKONING this to be true in my life, and then
  3. PRESENTING my body (and mind) to Him as instruments of righteousness–in prayer and as a conscious act of the will (a living sacrifice), as taught in Romans.
  4. Lastly, ASKING Him to help me in my weakness so that all the glory goes to Him. Praise the Lord!!!

Let Your Fountain be Blessed

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. (Proverbs 5:15)

At first reading, the meaning of this verse seems clear enough. Using images of a cistern and a well to describe your wife, the point is that you are to draw pleasure (water) only from her.

Frankly, this interpretation is flawed. It does not sound like something a wise man would say: 

  1. Only a fool would compare his wife to a cistern.
  2. Your wife is not merely there to give you what you want.
  3. Marriage is about much more than gaining sexual pleasure.

A Better Interpretation

See if you can track with the following better way of understanding Proverbs 5:15-19:

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.

The water stands for blessings and benefits such as companionship, children, security and sexual pleasure.

The well and cistern represent the marriage that you have entered into—“that which God has joined together” (Matthew 19:6). It is the source from which both spouses draw water and are blessed.

Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

This next verse proves that this is all more complex than we might initially guess, since it introduces different water—water that comes neither from the cistern nor from your wife.

These “streams of water” are coming from you only. They represent your energy—sexual and otherwise.  Will you waste this, running it down the streets?  It is meant to be combined with the water from the well and with the water from your spouse.  Where is your water going?

Let them be your own only and not for strangers with you.

If you are obtaining sexual pleasure outside of your marriage you are diverting precious water, pouring it into the ground. It needs to be funneled into that which is yours alone.

Lust causes you to waste your limited water. It starves your marriage. The cistern goes dry.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.

Blessing comes when we are only drawing from our own marriage and investing all our energy back into it. It becomes a fountain.  More than just a well or a cistern, it constantly bubbles up.  Originally, fountains did not recirculate water.  Fountains were powered by new water directed into them. (Consider the many implications of that if you have time.)

As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love.

God designed sexual pleasure to grow as it is focused and cradled in trust. It is nourished and reaches its highest expression only in a nurtured lifetime union between a husband and a wife.  Even secular experts agree on this. The rush of the honeymoon gives way to a mutually satisfying, continually evolving living fountain.

By overcoming lust you are no longer pulled far from God or your marriage. It allows you to be enraptured by deeply satisfying sexual pleasures and other blessings found only in a fountain that is blessed.

 

Bring Back Lust

Bring Back Lust

Have you noticed that the word “lust” is being purged from the Bible?

The Greek word for lust (epithemia) points to inner sin thirty-four times in the New Testament.  In the vast majority of these places it has traditionally been properly translated as “lust” or the archaic and more precise word, “concupiscence.”

Not Any More

Unfortunately, modern translations, such as the New International Version (NIV) are abandoning the word lust and frequently substituting phrases such as “evil desires” or “sinful desires.”  The NIV chooses to not use lust thirty of thirty-four times.

The Greek verb for lust (epithemeo) receives similar treatment.  In fact, the only place that it survives as lusting in the NIV is in the words of Jesus (Matthew 5:28).  No doubt His piercing teaching about lust being adultery in the heart is too well known and precise to be messed with.

This trend is carrying over into Christian literature, where entire books about sexual purity and morality are written without ever using the word “lust.”

Same thing applies to teachers.  When did you last hear a sermon or teaching about lust?

Fuzzy phrases

Admittedly, the Greek words described above literally mean “desire.”  However, that has never sidetracked translators before and it certainly does not justify them adding the words “evil” or “sinful” when these are not in the Greek at all.

That lust is sinful is written on our hearts and is recognized as such by all major religions.  The difference is that Christians are taught an effective way to deal with it.

Here is why using fuzzy phrases such as “sinful desires” or “evil desires” where the Bible speaks of lust is a mistake, especially when talking about sexual sin:

  1. It can cause us to give up. After all, we cannot effectively rid ourselves of wrongful sexual desires—the misdirected ones. That would be a hopeless task. Why then make it appear that God is looking for us to do that?
  2. It takes the focus away from what we need to do. We are taught to deny lust (Titus 2:11-13). This means obeying Jesus and not gratifying wrongful desires in our hearts. This gratification is when sin kicks in—not before.

Test it

The critical difference between merely desiring something and lusting is lost when we avoid the word lust. Here is a simple test to illustrate this point. Try inserting “evil desires” or “sinful desires” into the classic list of seven deadly vices, where lust stands tall. See how it doesn’t work? Like the other vices on that list, lust is an action word.

Overcoming Lust 

We must not forget that lust “wars against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11).

A key weapon against us in this warfare is deception (Ephesians 4:22).   Using the right words and being clear as to what we are dealing with takes away the confusion and forces us to face up to our excuses and rationalizations. Doing this, we can no longer argue that merely giving up observable behaviors is all that is expected of us or that God is looking for more than what we can do.

In Christ, we can overcome lust.

Presumptuous Sin

Presumptuous Sin     

Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
let them not have dominion over me!
  (Psalms 19:13)

What did David mean by “presumptuous sins?” Consider:

  1. The core idea of a presumptuous sin is that the one who sins in this way is acting arrogantly and willfully. It is sinning with eyes wide open. Everywhere else that this Hebrew word is used it is as a noun—generally translated “the proud.” While it is used as an adjective only here, the meaning follows through unmistakably.
  2. Note the danger that David points to. Entering into a presumptuous sin opens one up to being dominated by it.
  3. The opposite of presumptuous sin is sin done in ignorance. Those who crucified Christ, the most monstrous sin of all time, sinned in ignorance not presumptuously. We know this from the mouth of Jesus when he prayed, “Lord forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Lust often displays itself as a presumptuous sin.

Promiscuity, illicit affairs and pornography use are obviously wrong.  Yet, this knowledge does not stop people from going down those paths.  They push forward regardless.  Lust causes them to behave in selfish, arrogant and harmful ways.  Think of all the careers, reputations, families and organizations that have been brought down as a result of scandalous sexual behavior driven by lust.

The reason for such reckless behavior is that they have become dominated by sin.  In fact, this is a popular explanation: “They have no choice—they are sex addicts.”

Hidden lust can also be presumptuous.

Do not be misled.  Lust entered into discretely can also be presumptuous. We are without excuse when we understand lust properly—knowing that it is the willfully allowed pleasurable gratification of illicit sexual desire taking place deep inside.

Armed with this knowledge, our approach is to recoil from lust in our hearts at the very point where desires and thoughts first tempt us—long before visible behavior kicks in. If you as a believer know what you need to do to overcome lust but then do the opposite, you are acting in willful disobedience.  This is presumptuous and arrogant sinning and it comes with a price.

As David understood fully, by arrogantly and selfishly entering into sin, you are allowing sin to gain dominion over you.  You become an “addict” to a life-dominating sin—a slave with no way out. Jesus defined the problem clearly when he explained, “Everyone who sins is a slave to sin” (John 8:34). His words apply not only to non-believers.

Christians who continue in sin without properly confessing and repenting open themselves to a life where they live enslaved to sin. Thankfully, we have a great promise we can turn to.  Jesus came to set captives free from presumptuous, life-dominating sin. He forgives our sins, enables us to overcome lust and to live in a way that is pleasing to him.

Overcoming (?!?) Lust

Overcoming (?!?) Lust

Are you among those who feel uncomfortable with someone saying, “I have overcome lust”?  Does it come off sounding presumptuous, brassy and overconfident?

Might it even be contrary to Scripture and looking for trouble?  Consider:

  1. “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest  he fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12)
  2. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8)
  3. “I have no confidence in the flesh.”  (Philippians 3:3)

I believe the answer depends on what is meant by the word “overcoming.”

So what does it mean to overcome lust?

To say that you have overcome lust means that you have gained victory over it—that it is not a habitual, life dominating sin in your life.

What does it not mean when we overcome lust?

  1. It does not mean that you no  longer have lustful thoughts.  You cannot eliminate thoughts of sin. Thought suppression is not a workable or biblical strategy.  The key is to stop yourself from using thoughts to obtain illicit sexual gratification in  your heart.
  2. It does not mean that you no longer have illicit sexual desires— that you will not experience desires that are misdirected.   Such desires do not go away.  The key here as with lustful thoughts that  may lead you astray is that you not act on these desires by lusting in your heart.  Gratifying desires and allowing an illicit sexual buzz is when you are sinning.
  3. It does not mean that you are not tempted to lust.  Satan does not take a holiday.  He will not stop probing or tempting us to sin sexually.
  4. It does not necessarily mean that you eliminate lust from your life.   Perfectionism is not possible in this life.  John is clear—even including himself—when he wrote.  “If we say we have not sinned, we deceive ourselves” (1 John 1:8).  The key here is that whenever we sin, we confess, repent and obtain forgiveness.  We do not let any sin become a habitual problem.

The proper response to all sexual temptations including misdirected thoughts and desires is to recoil from them—to reject them—to flee from them. (1 Corinthians 6:18)  This approach is available to all God’s children since He is faithful to provide the way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

If you have the opportunity to disciple children and new Christians, I urge you to address these principles frankly and clearly.  By modeling and teaching what it means to overcome lust, you will equip them, strip away confusion and point them to a realistic, workable standard of how they are to live in a way that is pleasing to God in a dark and sin infested world.

“Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).  It is the Spirit of God filling our lives that enables us to confidently and thankfully proclaim that we have overcome lust.

Family Life Today Broadcasts

Family Life Today Broadcasts—July 10-11 (Click here to listen online, download an MP3 or to obtain a transcript.)

Family Life (FL) is an effective, powerful ministry providing programs and resources that minister to families in many creative ways, including the popular daily Family Life Today (FLT) radio broadcasts.  This program is carried by top Christian Radio stations throughout the country.

Marsha and I are regular listeners.  In fact, it was an FLT program some time ago that directly and dramatically changed our lives as I will explain in a future post.

Thankfully, FLT’s commitment to authentic sexual purity is not new.

A while back, I joined radio hosts Dennis Rainey, Bob Lepine and distinguished author and teacher, Dr. Heath Lambert, in the FLT Little Rock, Arkansas recording studio.  That I was the amateur in the room became crystal clear to all when my new cell phone started screeching in the middle of this session and they had to take it from me.

Despite my lack of experience, a two day program emerged titled: “Overcoming Lust.” It was broadcast on July 10-11.  God is in this.  Though I much prefer writing to speaking, I believe that the message He has laid on my heart comes through clearly.

I was fortunate also to spend time with Heath Lambert.  His book, Finally Free is a well-written, thoughtful call to overcoming sexual sin.  To his credit, Heath was able to gain victory when he was much younger than me.

I am thrilled that FLT has placed the reality of overcoming lust front and center by broadcasting these two programs and titling them as they did.  Sadly, the idea of victory—overcoming lust or even pornography—is seldom part of the message most Christians hear.  The lack of clarity on this issue is holding believers back from pleasing God and dooming countless more to a life of enslavement to sin.

Thankfully, FLT’s commitment to authentic sexual purity is not new.

Way back around 2005, my wife Marsha heard an FLT broadcast featuring Fred Stoeker.   She bought me his book and I began reading it—with skepticism.  However, a particular statement in this book became a turning point in my life and was the catalyst for change that I desperately needed.  You can hear about this in the first of the two broadcasts and I will explain it further in a future post.

It was a great honor and humbling (their first CPA guest, Dennis said) to share in these FLT broadcasts and to spend time with such dedicated and talented people.  I know firsthand that God can use radio and the written word to fulfill his purpose because God used an FLT radio broadcast and a book they featured to turn my life around.

Family Life is a Campus Crusade Ministry, which means that the hundreds of people who work there raise their own support.  Many have stepped away from or not pursued lucrative secular careers to join up in fulltime sacrificial ministry.  Spiritual diligence and commitment to doing God’s work permeates their offices.

Will you join me in praying that God will use these broadcasts as a challenge for Christians and churches to overcome lust and to become light in a dark world?  Will you also pray for and support the life-changing work of Family Life and the many fine people who labor there?

Family life picture.cropped

Overcoming Lust When Gay

Overcoming Lust When Gay

How are Christians with same sex attraction supposed to deal with lust?

This question is prompted by some videos recently made available from an evangelical pastor, Danny Cortez, and his teenage son, Drew (picture above), who has same sex attraction.  Pastor Cortez and his church are stepping away from their denomination (the SBC) and are now affirming same sex relationships, conforming with the broader culture.

this definition of lust applies to all whether men or women, gay or straight

The attention surrounding same sex attraction provides an opportunity for us to acknowledge that we do not generally do a good job in teaching about sexual purity.  Churches and leaders that are vocal in attacking homosexual practices need to go further  than that and provide practical help to everyone—gay or straight—on how they can overcome sexual sin.

Focusing on the sin of lust rather than on observable sexual sin levels the playing field and the following effective definition of lust can help us get to the root problem:

Sexual lust—the illicit sexual buzz—is a willfully allowed pleasurable
gratification  of wrongfully directed sexual desire that takes place deep inside.

Note that this definition of lust applies to all whether men or women, gay or straight.

We all have misdirected sexual desires and thoughts and need to acknowledge and teach that these are not sin.   Only when such desires and thoughts are acted on does sin take place. When gratified in the heart it is adultery in the heart as Jesus described.

Those who seek to please God must recoil from misdirected desires and thoughts—to reject them.  This is a hard teaching whether our desires are geared to the same sex or the opposite sex because we are tempted to dwell on wrongful desires, to gratify them internally and to thereby experience sinful pleasure.

In Danny’s video he tells a story about a lesbian who told him that the idea of passionately kissing a man would be as repulsive to her as it would be to Danny.  I get that. However, this does not mean that a lesbian is free to lust for another woman.  As Christians, the object of lust is not the issue.  It is the lust itself.

Let’s assume that Drew can do nothing to change his same sex attraction—that he is stuck with it. Despite this, Drew has the same responsibility as that of all believers—he needs to overcome lust.

As Paul wrote:  “We are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh—for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live”
(Romans 8:12-13).

For a person with same sex attraction who believes—as I do—that gay sex, whether married or unmarried, is sinful, this means a life of celibacy.  Like others who are unmarried, they will not experience sex.

Thankfully, in all of this, the transforming power of the gospel is generously available.  Walking in the Spirit can effectively free us from the bondage of lust whether our desires draw us to illicit conventional sex, homosexual sex, sex with self or any other form of sin.

 

       

Overcoming Lust in Uganda

Overcoming Lust in Uganda

Recently, I exchanged emails with Margaret Nelson.  Margaret is a Shepherd’s Staff Mission Facilitators missionary who has served in Uganda for over fifteen years.  SSFMI is a rapidly growing NPO presently helping 120 churches send out and care for over 210 missionaries in 54 countries.   I have served on SSFMI’s board since it began in 2001.

Are we better than they?

She wrote because Jeff Jackson, our founder and director of missionary care, offered my book Overcoming Lust as a resource to our missionaries.  Margaret’s description of the people among she labors caused me to ponder and pray:

Polygamy is legal here, so most women raise their children as single mothers. From the wedding, they know and fear their husbands will be unfaithful to them; they just pray they never know about it. Their husbands are mostly just sperm donors. They have multiple wives, live-in wives, and concubines, not to mention the occasional affair—in other words, they never zip up.

There are basically no morals here, even among Christians. Many pastors are not legally married to their wives, and/or are polygamous. Girls are considered more marriageable if they’ve already produced a child before marrying because they’ve proven they’re not barren (a great shame to a man). I asked in a class in church one day about when it was wise to plan for a child (or something to that effect). I was appalled that in all the answers I got, not one said “after marriage.”

I have been carefully talking to the Ugandan pastor I work with about some of your book. Ugandans basically do not talk about sexual matters at all, and most are very ignorant of their bodies, especially in the rural areas where we minister. But since he’s been my interpreter for 15 years and we trained health workers for 3 years (I am an RN) he had to learn to talk about “forbidden” topics.

He was not sure as a pastor he should be even teaching on such matters.

One of the things we have looked at in our rural village church’s ministry (which focuses on both teaching the Word, and on doing Bible centered village education) is doing an adult Sunday School class for men’s and women’s issues. He could maybe teach men and boys on the life of King David, and I could teach the women and girls maybe on Queen Esther (with the pastor’s wife interpreting for me). Your book has renewed that vision, and certainly provides us with usable materials for such a ministry.

Are we better than they?

Dare we look down on these Ugandans?  Among them, sexual sin is fully exposed.  However, among us sexual sin and its damage are covered up by means of birth control and abortion while pornography use has become rampant.  In our midst, single mothers are frequently isolated.  Are our ways less harmful or more pleasing to God than the way these Ugandans live?

Will you pray?

Will you join me in praying for Margaret and this church in Uganda as they confront the destructive sin of lust and bring light into a dark place?  

Note: You may also be interested in the book endorsement submitted by Margaret.

 

Marital ED

ED (Erectile Dysfunction) is a sensitive subject. If it were not for the never-ending commercials for Viagra and similar products we would likely not even know how big a problem it has become.

ED has various causes.  Sadly, compulsively using internet porn is one of them.  In fact, ED as a result of internet porn use is becoming a serious public health issue especially among adolescents. Since ED of this type originates in the brain, Viagra apparently does nothing to help.

Marital ED

Although porn induced ED is a fairly new and pitiful condition, we should not overlook a similar, extremely common problem—one no one seems to be talking about.  It occurs among those—men and women—who are unable to find sexual pleasure in their marriages.

Even while being intimate with their spouses, they rely on the wanton images or scripts of the world to get aroused.  In fact, without conjuring up the dazzling enticements floating around in their imagination, they are impotent.

Let’s call this “Marital ED.”

If this describes you in that you cannot obtain sexual pleasure in your marriage without your mind being somewhere else, you are in serious trouble.

Though you may be physically faithful, you are committing adultery in your heart and allowing lust to swamp your life and especially your marriage.

A Reader Reacts  

A reader named Steve had this to say in response to my earlier post called Spiritual ED:

I like the ED post a lot. I experienced many of the effects described when I was the deepest into porn. It was like the numbing effect of drinking too much beer. I had found myself moving deeper and deeper downward, increasingly dissatisfied, but rather than stopping, looking for the even bigger (more perverse) buzz. Thankfully, God disrupted the cycle.

Our flesh can be deceived when “everything is going OK.” Some men, especially young men, may be pretty new to porn, and even experiencing the opposite of ED. They need to be warned about how quickly that could change, at any age.

I also really liked your emphasis on Spiritual ED, because I experienced that as well.

Peter wrote that lust wars against the soul. (1 Peter 2:11)  When we allow lust into our lives, it goes to work systematically and thoroughly destroying that which God has made including the intimacies of marriages and our spiritual effectiveness.

Three Kinds of ED—one Solution

Whether lust is working in you to cause ED, Marital ED or Spiritual ED, the solution is the same. By effectively overcoming lust you will be able to join Steve and many others in saying that “God disrupted the cycle.”

As we gain victory, we are no longer driven by our passions. Our desires are under control and focused in the way God intended for them to be.  Those who do this are in a position to please God as to their sexual desires, thoughts and behavior and to delight in fully satisfying, honoring pleasure within their marriage.